Fiction Friday

There’s this blog I’ve been following called Write Anything, which is a pretty good read for the aspiring writer type. I thought I would finally bite the bullet, so to speak, and take part in one of the weekly writing prompts they run since it was about time I posted some creative writing (that was kind of what I had intended to use this blog for). So here goes nothing. Be kind. Or else.

***

A dentist is stabbed while he waits in line at the movies.

They always had said that dentistry could be a tough gig. He had always used to laugh at such statements. “What is the worst that could happen?”, he would ask, “I’ll pull out the wrong tooth?”. Today had been an altogether different story.

For it had been a tough day indeed. From when his first patient, a walking brick wall of a man with more muscle than skin, hair or organs combined and festooned from chin to toe with tattoos, had settled himself in the chair to when he had arrived home to find a burst pipe, 6 inches of water everywhere and one slightly drowned and extremely concerned cat the day had been one long, unrelenting assault of mishaps and bad luck.

And that was why, despite better judgement, he was currently standing in line at the cinema. He normally wouldn’t have attended, but the friends he was staying with at short notice while his house was being drained out had been quite insistent. The evening was mild, as was common for spring. Twilight was just beginning to settle in as the afternoon sun died away. Storm clouds were silently edging their way across the sky, creeping ever closer, and a metallic bite to the air left no doubt in the mind that April would soon be living up to its name in full. He stood glumly as the line moved slowly, ponderously, sluggishly until at last it had been whittled down to the last few survivors. It is a fact of life that there will always be a queue at the cinema. Tradition is a notoriously hard thing to break, and thus far both television and the internet had yet to break this one.

It happened suddenly. A sound behind him, some form of commotion. He looked around just in time to be confronted by the face of a man he had long since forgotten. And then suddenly something was not right – searing pain coursed up through his body. He took one step backwards, his eyes still fixed on the familiar face. Slowly he forced his gaze downwards to witness the inevitable sight of the knife protruding from his side. He felt the warmth of his blood as it began to soak his shirt. Stumbling to his knees, he watched the man turn and slowly walk away as his friends rushed to his aid.

They had always said that dentistry could be a tough gig.

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6 thoughts on “Fiction Friday

  1. Annie says:

    oh our poor dentists.. what a misunderstood lot they are.

    I liked the way you pitched this piece – keeping the reader tense and unsure of what was about to happen by rushing it along.

    welcome to FF – I look forward to reading more of your entries every week. We are a kind bunch – except if you ask us to be nasty… but thats a different story!! big smiles

  2. Rob says:

    There’s a part of me that wishes I knew for certain who it was that stabbed the poor dentist and why the stabbing was done… but there’s another part of me that thinks it’s good that we don’t have a clear definition of who it is. I liked this. Welcome to Fiction Friday!

  3. floyd says:

    Thanks for the comments, guys. 🙂

    I was trying to aim for suspense by not explaining in full who the attacker was, but I think in doing so I may have left out a little bit *too* much of the details. Oh well, in truth I did find this prompt quite a tricky one…

    I look forward to taking part again in future, hopefully with something a bit less flimsy. 😉

  4. jodicleghorn says:

    Hey Floyd,
    Welcome to Fiction Friday – glad that you’ve been tempted to jump in and test the water.

    I loved your description of the weather, giving the impending sense of doom or something building – and the addition of the taste of metallic in the air. Leaving the ending wide open leaves the reader wanting to know more – is there a shady past, something harkening back to dentistry school. And yeah – it’s definitely not this guys day.

    I would cut out lots of the adverbs and adjectives and perhaps consider Stephen King’s forumula for a second draft: second draft= 1st draft-10% (if you were thinking of a rewrite). I would also consider some show not tell elements – rather than tell us your MC is glum, how does his face look, or his body carry his feelings.

    Great introduction to your writing though and looking forward to reading more … we could do with a few more regulars for Fiction Friday! And thanks for reading all our musings during the week at Write Anything!

    My very late entry is The Belgium Beer Cafe

  5. mdbenoit says:

    I liked the fact that the stabber remains anonymous despite the fact that our dentist recognizes him. And just when you think things couldn’t get worse… you get stuck. Nicely done.

  6. adenpenn says:

    I am so glad you decided to jump in and join us! I love this piece especially the rich descriptions.

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